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Suzi Jotwani, Anne-Marie McFadyen, Petrina Ng |
Sometimes it takes a little more than tinsel and baubles to keep the sparkle in our Christmas. Just because it's the festive season doesn't mean you can expect habitual ways of thinking and emotional hot buttons to get tossed out with the wrapping paper. We've put together a few strategies that might just help you to make it through to the pudding without being the centre of a dust-up. #1 The "Christmas Ostrich" Rule Let's pause for a moment to consider the fate of the turkey and ostrich at Christmas. Two flightless birds, yet only one of them is roasted, while the other keeps its head safely in the sand. There may well be a lesson in this for all of us. Of the five commonly identified conflict styles – (1) Cooperation, (2) Compromising, (3) Directing, (4) Harmonising, and (5) Avoiding – we would usually emphasise the value of the top two styles. May we suggest that when it comes to Christmas, forget everything we would normally advise! At this time only, the bottom two styles, Avoiding ("Conflict? What conflict?"), or Harmonising ("If you say so.."), are definitely the way to go. That is, try to stay out of the arguments, the ancient feuds, the differences in historical perspectives on childhood memories, and all those usual stressors that we dread when we get together at Christmas with our nearest and dearest. This Christmas, make like an ostrich and keep your head in the sand, engage in only the positive conversations, allow the rest to flow over and around, and have a peaceful and enjoyable day. #2 Loosen Up! We all have "habits of the mind" – those default beliefs that explain why things are the way they are and how they ought to be. As our interactions with others become more intense, challenging and personal, our minds become absorbed with interpretations, memories, regrets, predictions, attachments and resentments. This is what you could call the 'stuffing' of the silly season. So when your Uncle Walt fixes his gaze on your "tree hugging" brother and throws down a curly question about climate change as he passes the cranberry sauce, you may see it as declaration of war, while others may see it as an invitation for interesting debate. Uncle Walt's only crime may have been a clumsy attempt to seem 'up with it'. It is helpful to remind ourselves that no matter how right we are, there are lots of different and legitimate points on the many topics that will accompany the celebratory cheer, conversation and controversy that are traditionally shared around the Christmas table. Our advice is to treat this as an opportunity to shake up your thinking and try to see things from the point of view of whoever is clutching the other end of your bon bon. #3 Emotional Hot-Buttons Certain relatives and events can press our emotional hot buttons, triggering places within us that for various reasons feel vulnerable and raw. It is important to be aware of 'what' and 'who' pushes your buttons, as the brain can quickly mobilise specific defences to stop us from experiencing negative emotions, thoughts and sensations. And before you can say "Merry Christmas" a simple difference of opinion over how to cut the ham has escalated into a full blown raging argument that leaves everyone scrambling to help with the dishes. The people, events and behaviours that push our buttons don't always seem to be dramatic or apparent, which is why so many family arguments can be perplexing to an outsider. This is why we advise a bit of reflection about particular hot spots, accompanied by some deep breathing, and moderate supping, in order to help you negotiate these familial and familiar trip-wires. #4 Time for Numero Uno As we stumble towards the season of good cheer and jolliness, it can be tough for many to keep the façade of Yuletide merriment intact. Family obligations, over-stretched bank accounts and waistlines, and over-crowded social calendars can be the cause of pressure and stress for many. Give yourself and those that truly care for you a gift and take care of yourself during this festive period. Start with stop trying to please everyone. Choose to spend meaningful time with people who inspire and enrich you. Give yourself permission to say no to those social invitations that you would normally accept just to keep the peace. Let go of trying to find the perfect gift or creating the perfect Christmas. Accept people as they are and release expectations around how others should behave at this time of year. Maintain a sense of humour and fun during this holiday season. Pamper yourself by getting enough sleep and allowing yourself time for every day activities. If you can feel your waistband expand at the mere thought of buttery shortbread, rich mince tarts, warm Christmas pudding and the like, consider keeping up some form of exercise, eating wisely and fueling your body with the right mix of fuel to see you successfully glide through this holiday season. *** Peace out
© ResolutionsRTK 2011 | Ezine | Volume 5 | Issue 4 | December 2011 |
Tis the season to be jolly
