Getting off the conflict misery-go-round

Suzanne Jotwani
Principal Consultant

Be honest. At some point we all find ourselves caught up in the circular and escalating nature of conflict. It often starts with a small issue or perceived slight which pushes us into a negative view of the other person; this is then exacerbated by some additional action that reinforces our negative feeling about the other person; and finally, before we know it, we have developed solid feelings of dislike, distrust and discomfort concerning the other person.

What can we do when we catch ourselves in this conflict spiral?

Experts in conflict resolution will recommend a couple of possible steps, usually starting with you initiating a conversation with the other person. This can take courage, and we don’t always feel that we have the skills to successfully approach a very sensitive conversation.

Another option is having a conversation supported by a qualified third party – the process generally referred to as mediation – which can help people in strong disagreement. This is an undeniably beneficial and proactive approach which is regularly used to address conflict in the workplace.

But what do you do whenthe other person involved in the conflict doesn’t want to talk about it?

Or maybe they don’t even know that there is a problem yet.

Perhaps you are not ready to talk to the other person about it?

When you don’t think it’s time for mediation, but you want ‘stop the rot’ and seek help working through what is going on for you, it is time to enlist the skills of a conflict coach.

A conflict coach is an expert in conflict management who works with you on a confidential, one-one basis, putting the skills to resolve conflict in your hands. Your coach helps you understand your conflict response and develop new ways to manage your more challenging relationships.

Conflict coaching is a very successful intervention, whether you want to take the initiative early on in the piece, or work through a problem that has become bogged-down over time. Clients also find continuing value from their coaching, long after the initial conflict has been resolved.

Conflict coaching is suitable for staff at all levels in the organisation. Like any good coaching program, the development of an individual’s conflict management skills will help improve team behaviour and productivity. For those who lead teams, conflict coaching is a way to try something new and change patterns at a senior, seasoned manager level. Or for those new to managing a team, conflict coaching provides the more sophisticated conflict resolution skills and self-awareness required.

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Talk to Suzanne Jotwani or Di McDonald about how conflict coaching can work for your organisation.

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© ResolutionsRTK 2008